Unbothered by Cancer but Empowered After!

| Testimony by Achsah Anna |

In February 2025, I found a small lump in my neck above my collarbone small, not visible,  but I could feel it if I pressed deep enough. I ignored it, just like I ignore everything else in my life. In March, I got chicken pox followed by severe fever and diarrhea. For someone who never fell sick, there were too many things happening at the same time. So, I mentioned the lump to the doctor I was seeing then. He asked me to do an ultrasound, and once the results were out, a biopsy was suggested. I was considering doing it in Chennai, but my parents asked me to come back to Kerala.

That’s when it all started - almost daily visits to hospitals, tests after tests, and watching my parents try to figure out a hospital setting that was not familiar to them. Since I’m used to being an independent person, I felt like I was the parent and they were the kids on many occasions. And my biggest struggle during this was having patience. I seemed to have less of it as the days passed. The mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual battle of wondering if this was cancer was taxing for those around me. I saw them break while I felt nothing.

The day the doctors confirmed it, I saw a tear slide down my mom’s cheek, and my father trying to keep it together, while I chuckled thinking, “What a perfect joke.” Before all of this, I was not in a steady place with my faith. I was struggling with some questions that I had laid down before God and was waiting for a response - waiting for a sign - holding on by a thread because I didn’t know if I even wanted to believe in God anymore. And when cancer happened, it didn’t make any difference. I didn’t feel like I should be running to God to help me or save me the way everyone around me, including my parents, was asking me to. So I remained in the space I was in, silently waiting.

Cancer didn’t seem to bother me at all. I went through everything as cool as I could - the

surgery where they found around 40 tumors, losing my voice for two months, learning ASL because I believed I was never going to get it back, the neck pain, hand pain, leg pain, and all the effects of the surgery and hormones. And then there were days when I thought I was turning into a mini-Hulk, as my patience was being tested. And hundreds of people were praying, asking for updates, and encouraging me to draw closer to God, which I didn’t want to listen to or handle at that moment.

After three months, there was an RAI scan followed by a high dosage of radioactive iodine therapy, two days of isolation in the hospital, and a month of isolation at home. The month of August - my favourite of them all, something changed.

Two days at the hospital with no contact with anyone, no outlet to express my feelings, and nothing to distract me and help me escape, I was forced to face my thoughts and my fears. I lay in bed and just talked. Endlessly. To myself and to God. And I came out of that room a different person - mentally and spiritually. I cannot say what exactly it was, but my hopeless mind was suddenly full of hope. My dry, numb heart was suddenly alive. I described it to my close friends as a switch being turned on within me - a dark room that was suddenly lit up.

My head was full of ideas about everything. I started writing, thinking productively, and processing things in a healthier way. As soon as my isolation was over, I got myself up and travelled for a few weeks, exploring new places, people, and experiences - which today I can confidently say drew me closer to God.

I’m still in follow-up, and there are days when my mood is not good, when the pillow I lay on and the floor around me is full of hair strands, and all I want is to shave all of my hair off. But somehow, there’s a certain lightness to it all. For someone who struggled with depression for so many years and watched my hobbies die one by one, I’m able to pick them back up again slowly, at my own pace, knowing that it’s different this time.

During this time, as a missionary family and nothing ever saved up financially, God provided for us miraculously. My parents got opportunities to meet other cancer patients, pray for them, and spend time with them while I was admitted. I spend my days in the surgery ward talking (mouthing) to older people, encouraging them and strengthening them even when I was the only one there who was the youngest, with no voice, sitting with them and wishing them well. None of the physical aspects bothered me the way people expected; my healing was internal.

I believe in divine timing, divine healing, and divine plans. Because no matter how much you’ve prayed that you should never have cancer, or planned out your life a certain way, where you want to end up and what your future looks like - God has a better plan that matters more. The path I am on right now, not looking too far into the future but focusing on where He has placed me in this moment to work for His glory, is perfect. And today I feel empowered by His Spirit.

I am the kind of person who never speaks openly about my testimonies, especially among fellow believers. I always believed I was the worst of them all - that my faith was fragile – and that I would rather take everything directly to God than lay it open to judgment and opinions. But today, I just want to be a beacon of hope, because there is hope.

For the last twenty-plus years of my life, I have battled loneliness and hopelessness. I never blamed any human for my circumstances, but I did blame God. I was angry at God. I questioned God. And I believe there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you remain open to His ways and His plans. But His answers, ways, and plans are never predictable and conventional. That's what makes our Christian journey wonderful and exciting.

Today, as you read this, may your questions lead to surrender. May your quests be quenched by the Holy Spirit. And even if He seems silent, may He (let Him) be your companion through life’s journey - so that even if you don’t see it in the moment, in retrospect you can and will. And may He be glorified through it all.